Relationships posts


Culture Clash

A few months ago my husband forwarded a Psychology Today article to me that does an excellent job of summarizing the modern introvert’s dilemma: whether one should adapt oneself to the prevailing culture’s penchant for loud and fast interaction, or stay true to one’s preferred mode of being. Either way, the introvert’s happiness level is […]


The Visible Woman

When I was a kid, I used to think that there were times when I was invisible to others, when I was so wrapped up in my own imagination, so focused on inward daydreams, that the external world didn’t matter. Of course I wasn’t invisible, just oblivious, but it was a pleasant illusion. It was […]


Son of Spectatrix

Over the past few months I’ve been taking an unintentional hiatus from posting here, but I’ve had a really good excuse! As I mentioned in an earlier post I was expecting my first child in June, and in fact he decided to arrive earlier than that, making his appearance on May 20th. My time since […]


Future Introvert?

Today was a big day in the Spectatrix household. My husband and I found out that the baby I’m having in June will be a boy! This new knowledge brought up a whole host of emotions as well as questions — now that we know a bit more about this growing person, what other kinds […]


Loner Lore

As I’ve written about in previous posts, I think the term “loner” is too often used to describe behavior that falls outside the normal range of introvert experience. Instead of a negative term that denotes a dangerously isolated individual, I think “loner” should be reclaimed for those who simply enjoy spending time alone. Because of […]


Attention vs. Interaction

In previous posts I’ve mentioned the advice column, Since You Asked, written by the inimitable Cary Tennis, which often seems to feature introvert-related issues. Today’s question, posed by a forlorn introvert, had to do with that age-old problem (at least for introverts): how do you stay true to yourself yet still make friends? The […]


Facebook: The Honeymoon’s Over

More than a year ago, I wrote a post about how I had finally been persuaded to join the social networking site Facebook. At the time, I was still new to Facebook and finding it to be a handy way to reconnect with friends and family around the world. Today, I still appreciate that aspect […]


Our New President the Introvert

I’m really enjoying working my way through Newsweek’s seven-part behind-the-scenes account of the recent US election, Secrets of the 2008 Campaign. I’m learning fun facts, such as the Secret Service’s code names for Barack Obama’s daughters (“Radiance” and “Rosebud”), and not-so-fun facts, like the details about infighting among Hilary Clinton’s staffers. I was especially interested […]


Through the Wringer

My first experience with public laundromats occurred in my early twenties, when I first moved to San Francisco. I had a strangely romantic idea about them at the time, that there was something grittily poetic about airing one’s dirty laundry in the company of strangers. It didn’t take long before I grew tired of the […]


Copy Cat

Since we raised our cat Zora from a kitten, we like to joke that she’s taken on some of our introverted personality quirks, like needing her quiet time, and hiding when guests come over. Of course, those behaviors may be de rigueur for cats (which is why we’re both cat people), but we still find […]


First Impressions

A few months ago, Joe and I went out for dinner with a new friend, and throughout the meal he and Joe kept up a lively conversation, while I mostly listened. This was partly due to the fact that I wasn’t feeling well, but also because I felt I didn’t really have much to say […]


Addressing the Extrovert in the Room

I have a love-hate relationship with advice columns. I love them because they prove that other people out there have the same problems I do (albeit usually in a more extreme version), but I hate them because they make me feel like I’m rubbernecking at a crash scene, somehow getting comfort or enjoyment out of […]


Facing up to Facebook

I’ve always resisted joining social networking sites like MySpace or Friendster because for the most part I enjoy my anonymity (present blog excepted). However, it seems like the universe has been conspiring lately to get me to join Facebook. Within the last few weeks, four friends, from completely different social circles, have extolled the benefits […]


Converting the Introverted

I think one of the most difficult aspects of being an introvert is dealing with those people in our lives who want us to become extroverts. I have experienced this phenomenon many times with individuals who I didn’t feel the need to impress or explain myself to, but the more challenging encounters have been those […]


Silent Nights: Introverts and Dating

Some time ago I read a great article by Salon’s advice columnist Cary Tennis called The two-introvert problem (you may need to click through an ad to get to it). In the article Cary responds to a letter from a woman who is frustrated because she wants to invite a fellow introvert on a date, […]