That’s an interesting perspective. Maybe I’ll eventually get to that point too, once my French improves.

Strangely enough, for me it’s easier to speak in English than in my own language. Sure, when I was learning English in high-school, I was afraid to try to speak in front of the class or even to practice with my fellow students. But now that I’m content with my level, I feel actually more confident when I’m speaking in English with someone. I don’t know why that is. It feels like there is a buffer between me and what I’m saying. Maybe, it’s easier because I can say most things only in one way, so I don’t have to worry about choosing the right formulation.

Anyway, it could be something to look forward to: once you speak french reasonably well, communicating with stranger might be easier.

Thanks for the encouragement. I do feel like it’s getting better, but I still have moments of panic from time to time. I’m still waiting for it all to “click.” I did have a dream last night that included a few French words–not a conversation mind you–so I feel like it’s getting through in a small way.

still, i found that if i’d just try things in french, if i went slowly or stumbled, the french would smile patiently at me and offer a correction if i got something obviously wrong. it was my effort NOT to be an ugly american that saved me from being an ugly american. sometimes, if they were impatient and had the option they’d offer to switch to english for me. other times, i learned a heckuva lot of french in the trenches.

i never had a single bad experience with people treating me rudely or mocking my attempts. they seemed to appreciate that i was willing to try and maybe that endeared me to them a little.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with language learning. I’m sure I’ll employ at least one or two of those techniques at some point. I also find it encouraging that the practice of fearlessness has become self-fulfilling for you.

KT:

I’ve had a few experiences lately with the language coming to me when I’ve least expected it. And strangely enough, it has been when I’ve been on my own (usually my husband Joe was with me when these situations have cropped up in the past). I’m forming a theory that when I know I can’t rely on someone else to communicate, somehow it’s much easier to take the risk of looking foolish. Maybe it’s because the person I’m speaking to is a stranger, and when I’m with someone I know, I’m more afraid of looking foolish in front of them

I have read Peter Mayle’s books on Provence (I think there’s three of them now), and we actually saw him in person at a reading in San Francisco this past year. Both Joe and I are great fans of his, and made a trip to Provence a few years ago mainly due to his influence, so it was wonderful to hear him read his work in person!

MY suggestion to cope with possible ridicule–and it IS possible in Paris; they can be unkind about our arrogance expecting THEM to speak OUR language while traveling/living in THEIR country–is to be prepared to apologize about your imperfect French and thank them for correcting you, as you want to learn–that will bring you kudos for not being the arrogant american they’ve found all too often and make you friends along the way.

I hope you’ve read Peter Mayles’ 2 books on Provence! Jealously yours, KT

Your article has given me a lot of good food for thought, so thank you!

Regarding language-learning, three things have worked for me depending on the situation. One is that old friend of the shy, alcohol. Sober, I’m tongue-tied in Spanish, as I hear my mistakes. After a couple of beers, I notice less and care less when I do. And I know my conversational partners care less as well, which helps.

Second, I like a setting where the encounter is expected to go on for a while, but conversation isn’t expected to be continuous. A sidewalk cafe with an engaging view can be great when there’s a lot of people to watch, or a busy waterfront to distract. Sporting events can be good, too. Dinner parties can also be good if I’m seated so that my neighbors can converse both with me and with others.

For me, another help has been anti-anxiety medication. Xanax has been helpful for specific situations, and Buspirone as a more general way to keep my fear in line with the circumstances.

The most interesting thing for me about this is that my discomfort in certain social situations was partly a learned thing. Now even without meds or alcohol I’m much more comfortable with things like mangling somebody else’s language. I think that’s because a recent history of not being scared has undone my built-up fear of potentially awkward social interactions.

I hope that helps. Keep on posting!