Comments on: Converting the Introverted http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/ the passionate introvert Wed, 11 Jan 2012 16:16:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: bobby http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-17639 bobby Sat, 19 Nov 2011 13:56:40 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-17639 <p>Does anyone suggest any treatment , any specific drugs to change from introverted at least a while ?</p> Does anyone suggest any treatment , any specific drugs to change from introverted at least a while ?

]]> By: Advanced Technology http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-16552 Advanced Technology Mon, 05 Sep 2011 04:51:58 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-16552 <p><strong>Visitor recommendations...</strong></p> <p>[...]one of our visitors recently recommended the following website[...]…...</p> Visitor recommendations…

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]]> By: Morgen Jahnke http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-9596 Morgen Jahnke Sat, 17 Jul 2010 19:37:08 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-9596 <p>Katz2u,</p> <p>Thanks for sharing your perspective from the "extrovert" side, although I'm sorry that your experience with the introverts closest to you has been difficult. Since I don't know your partner or sister, I can't speak to their particular "good" or "bad qualities", but I hope that the site has given you a bit more understanding about why they act the way they do. Introverts are not perfect people, but after hearing the same kind of complaints from extroverted partners/friends/siblings of introverts (that they are uncaring or cold), I do wonder if it boils down to communication style, rather than an absence of affection. You've given me some food for thought that may show up on the blog some day. Thanks.</p> Katz2u,

Thanks for sharing your perspective from the “extrovert” side, although I’m sorry that your experience with the introverts closest to you has been difficult. Since I don’t know your partner or sister, I can’t speak to their particular “good” or “bad qualities”, but I hope that the site has given you a bit more understanding about why they act the way they do. Introverts are not perfect people, but after hearing the same kind of complaints from extroverted partners/friends/siblings of introverts (that they are uncaring or cold), I do wonder if it boils down to communication style, rather than an absence of affection. You’ve given me some food for thought that may show up on the blog some day. Thanks.

]]> By: Katz2u http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-9553 Katz2u Fri, 09 Jul 2010 15:37:42 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-9553 <p>I came across this blog searching for "introvert" and so far this is the only site that has helped me to understand them. I have a "little" sister that is an introvert,I am also the wife of an introvert (19 yrs) and can relate to Diana very strongly. They both come off as uncaring and non interested. Intimacy is very awkward for them. Not sure what kind of introvert they are ( INT/INFP??), but neither has trouble sleeping (they are out as soon as their heads hit the pillow), neither one was an "A" student, infact they barely got by in school. Their both great procrastinators and they both come off as very lazy people, and for years people (family) has seen them as "void" of emotions. This site and a few others though, have helped me to understand what is going on inside them (so to speak) I also know after all my readings my husband and I will definitely need counseling to make our marriage work. I have badgered him about changing, showing his emotions more, about his lack of caring etc to the point of now understanding maybe WHY he has trouble with intimacy now. I have told him for years that I didn't care how he was with other's but that he NEEDED to open up to me, and that I needed to be needed, to know I am appreciated and loved. I am so tired of going to him for a kiss or hug, and that he never comes to me for anything. Have nagged him to the point that I can see where I handled all of this wrong. I have also told him I'm at my wits end and cant live like this any longer, even though I love him and that I wont. I have also told him for years that we would make better room mates then husband and wife. Not sure what the outcome of "us" will be, but I do want to thank you for starting this site and for helping me to understand my husband and my sister a lot better now then I did an hour ago. Sincerely, Katz2u</p> I came across this blog searching for “introvert” and so far this is the only site that has helped me to understand them. I have a “little” sister that is an introvert,I am also the wife of an introvert (19 yrs) and can relate to Diana very strongly. They both come off as uncaring and non interested. Intimacy is very awkward for them. Not sure what kind of introvert they are ( INT/INFP??), but neither has trouble sleeping (they are out as soon as their heads hit the pillow), neither one was an “A” student, infact they barely got by in school. Their both great procrastinators and they both come off as very lazy people, and for years people (family) has seen them as “void” of emotions. This site and a few others though, have helped me to understand what is going on inside them (so to speak) I also know after all my readings my husband and I will definitely need counseling to make our marriage work. I have badgered him about changing, showing his emotions more, about his lack of caring etc to the point of now understanding maybe WHY he has trouble with intimacy now. I have told him for years that I didn’t care how he was with other’s but that he NEEDED to open up to me, and that I needed to be needed, to know I am appreciated and loved. I am so tired of going to him for a kiss or hug, and that he never comes to me for anything. Have nagged him to the point that I can see where I handled all of this wrong. I have also told him I’m at my wits end and cant live like this any longer, even though I love him and that I wont. I have also told him for years that we would make better room mates then husband and wife. Not sure what the outcome of “us” will be, but I do want to thank you for starting this site and for helping me to understand my husband and my sister a lot better now then I did an hour ago. Sincerely, Katz2u

]]> By: Karena http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-3674 Karena Sat, 16 May 2009 00:55:41 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-3674 <p>Frustrated Introvert:</p> <p>Unfortunately for all introverted students out there, the American educational system is now built around collaborative learning. The "experts" say that group work is the best way for children and teenagers to learn, so in most classrooms across the country, you will probably find at least 25% of the student population gritting their teeth through group instruction. Even though I am an introvert, and I can personally empathize with my solitary students, my administration requires me to create collaborative learning experiences in my classroom. I'm sorry if your anguish in high school was caused by someone like me.</p> Frustrated Introvert:

Unfortunately for all introverted students out there, the American educational system is now built around collaborative learning. The “experts” say that group work is the best way for children and teenagers to learn, so in most classrooms across the country, you will probably find at least 25% of the student population gritting their teeth through group instruction. Even though I am an introvert, and I can personally empathize with my solitary students, my administration requires me to create collaborative learning experiences in my classroom. I’m sorry if your anguish in high school was caused by someone like me.

]]> By: Llewelyn http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-1888 Llewelyn Tue, 10 Feb 2009 08:35:56 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-1888 <p>I think, as I am restoring from some anxiety, that an introvert's natural social function is to downstimulate. This is something that might not be taken well by others (I don't know...). But this behaviour is essential for the introvert him/herself, to not be overwhelmed by letting things in (by giving way), by putting undue emphasis on externals.</p> I think, as I am restoring from some anxiety, that an introvert’s natural social function is to downstimulate. This is something that might not be taken well by others (I don’t know…). But this behaviour is essential for the introvert him/herself, to not be overwhelmed by letting things in (by giving way), by putting undue emphasis on externals.

]]> By: spectatrix http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-1527 spectatrix Sun, 16 Nov 2008 23:17:30 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-1527 <p>Frustrated Introvert,</p> <p>I had much the same experience in French classes (for some reason I felt bolder when studying German). Now that I'm living in France it's like having an oral exam everyday, which I usually fail :)</p> Frustrated Introvert,

I had much the same experience in French classes (for some reason I felt bolder when studying German). Now that I’m living in France it’s like having an oral exam everyday, which I usually fail :)

]]> By: Frustrated Introvert http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-1507 Frustrated Introvert Sun, 16 Nov 2008 04:34:52 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-1507 <p>Spectatrix, I completely agree with you about "class participation". I remember when I was taking French classes in college. That was an absolute nightmare for me because language classes are all about class participation and engaging with other students in order to practice speaking the language. I always dreaded the times when the professor would ask us to get into groups and practice having conversations based on what we had just learned in class. I tried to participate but I always felt nervous and my mind would go blank. Most of the other students loved this part of the class because they enjoyed the opportunity to talk and socialize. My French professor picked up on the fact that I wasn't big on participation, so after awhile he stopped asking me questions. But the funny part is that whenever he gave us written tests, I would always get an A for the grade. Even though I did not participate in class in order to lean the material, I would go back to my dorm room and read the chapters in the text book. So when it was time to take the tests, I was always prepared. My professor was a very nice guy though and he would always joke with me about my good test grades because he recognized that I was a good student even though I barely participated in class. However, I did get the feeling that he thought I was a bit weird. LOL</p> Spectatrix, I completely agree with you about “class participation”. I remember when I was taking French classes in college. That was an absolute nightmare for me because language classes are all about class participation and engaging with other students in order to practice speaking the language. I always dreaded the times when the professor would ask us to get into groups and practice having conversations based on what we had just learned in class. I tried to participate but I always felt nervous and my mind would go blank. Most of the other students loved this part of the class because they enjoyed the opportunity to talk and socialize. My French professor picked up on the fact that I wasn’t big on participation, so after awhile he stopped asking me questions. But the funny part is that whenever he gave us written tests, I would always get an A for the grade. Even though I did not participate in class in order to lean the material, I would go back to my dorm room and read the chapters in the text book. So when it was time to take the tests, I was always prepared. My professor was a very nice guy though and he would always joke with me about my good test grades because he recognized that I was a good student even though I barely participated in class. However, I did get the feeling that he thought I was a bit weird. LOL

]]> By: spectatrix http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-1504 spectatrix Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:04:13 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-1504 <p>Frustrated Introvert,</p> <p>I can really relate to your high school horror stories. I especially disliked being graded on things like "class participation" because I did feel like I was engaged in learning, even if I wasn't so verbal about it. Group projects were a special kind of torture for me too; it wasn't so much that I felt the need to be more extroverted, but that my focus was divided between navigating interpersonal issues while also getting the work done well (I was pretty obsessive about grades). Strangely, this sometimes meant that I would try to be the leader of the group, or that I'd end up doing a lot of the work myself, because no one else cared about it as much. Ah, the life of a nerd :)</p> <p>I'm sorry to hear about your negative experiences in the workplace. I hope you are able at some point to find an ally (or two) who understands your perspective, and that you can't fundamentally change who you are.</p> Frustrated Introvert,

I can really relate to your high school horror stories. I especially disliked being graded on things like “class participation” because I did feel like I was engaged in learning, even if I wasn’t so verbal about it. Group projects were a special kind of torture for me too; it wasn’t so much that I felt the need to be more extroverted, but that my focus was divided between navigating interpersonal issues while also getting the work done well (I was pretty obsessive about grades). Strangely, this sometimes meant that I would try to be the leader of the group, or that I’d end up doing a lot of the work myself, because no one else cared about it as much. Ah, the life of a nerd :)

I’m sorry to hear about your negative experiences in the workplace. I hope you are able at some point to find an ally (or two) who understands your perspective, and that you can’t fundamentally change who you are.

]]> By: Frustrated Introvert http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-1493 Frustrated Introvert Sat, 15 Nov 2008 17:38:46 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-1493 <p>I have also experienced people trying to convert me to extroversion, specifically since I have reached my twenties. When I was a child and then a teenager, I experienced much difficulty as an introvert, both at home and at school. While attending advanced placement classes in high school, I felt like I was in the twilight zone because most, if not all of the other students were extroverted. These students were talkative, liked to participate, and had friendly relationships with the teachers. I was completely different from them. I was always quiet. I kept to myself in class unless it was absolutely necessary to talk to the other students. I remember that there were some classes in which the teachers made it a point of having the students work in groups. Now, any introvert knows that group projects and working with other people can be extremely stressful because it means that we as introverts are going to have to put on the extrovert mask and try really hard to step outside of our personalities in order to make everyone else feel comfortable. I just couldn't do it. I always felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I'm sure that the teachers felt like working in groups was just a regular part of attending class. This was a very bad time in my life because of the lack of understanding about my temperament. I remember that there was one Advanced Placement teacher who was not used to having a student like me in her classes. She was comfortable around the extroverted students but I made her feel uncomfortable because I barely talked. There were times when she would actually pick on me and try to make me feel ashamed because I never spoke. Now a days, that would be considered harassment. Since I hit my twenties, I have mostly experienced backlash toward my introversion in the workplace. I have had coworkers tell me that I am too serious, that I never smile, that I need to loosen up. I usually try to ignore these people because I know that there is nothing that they can say to make me change. I am an ISFP introvert, which means that I am naturally quiet and serious and it is difficult to get to know me unless I feel comfortable around people.</p> I have also experienced people trying to convert me to extroversion, specifically since I have reached my twenties. When I was a child and then a teenager, I experienced much difficulty as an introvert, both at home and at school. While attending advanced placement classes in high school, I felt like I was in the twilight zone because most, if not all of the other students were extroverted. These students were talkative, liked to participate, and had friendly relationships with the teachers. I was completely different from them. I was always quiet. I kept to myself in class unless it was absolutely necessary to talk to the other students. I remember that there were some classes in which the teachers made it a point of having the students work in groups. Now, any introvert knows that group projects and working with other people can be extremely stressful because it means that we as introverts are going to have to put on the extrovert mask and try really hard to step outside of our personalities in order to make everyone else feel comfortable. I just couldn’t do it. I always felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I’m sure that the teachers felt like working in groups was just a regular part of attending class. This was a very bad time in my life because of the lack of understanding about my temperament. I remember that there was one Advanced Placement teacher who was not used to having a student like me in her classes. She was comfortable around the extroverted students but I made her feel uncomfortable because I barely talked. There were times when she would actually pick on me and try to make me feel ashamed because I never spoke. Now a days, that would be considered harassment. Since I hit my twenties, I have mostly experienced backlash toward my introversion in the workplace. I have had coworkers tell me that I am too serious, that I never smile, that I need to loosen up. I usually try to ignore these people because I know that there is nothing that they can say to make me change. I am an ISFP introvert, which means that I am naturally quiet and serious and it is difficult to get to know me unless I feel comfortable around people.

]]> By: Jennifer http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-1366 Jennifer Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:04:20 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-1366 <p>Hi Jennifer, I worry that your experiences will be mine too. I am dating a very extroverted guy and I don't always understand his social needs. I am a very good listener and very considerate, but he figures I should be aggressive and interrupt him since he is so talkative. I don't feel appreciated for some of my ways and I am starting to get sick of it.</p> Hi Jennifer, I worry that your experiences will be mine too. I am dating a very extroverted guy and I don’t always understand his social needs. I am a very good listener and very considerate, but he figures I should be aggressive and interrupt him since he is so talkative. I don’t feel appreciated for some of my ways and I am starting to get sick of it.

]]> By: spectatrix http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-1006 spectatrix Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:24:44 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-1006 <p>Jennifer,</p> <p>I'm very sorry to hear about your difficulties with your husband. Although I've never experienced what you're going through, on a lesser level I know how painful it can be to feel misunderstood and disrespected by someone close to me. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you're able to find some peace eventually in this situation.</p> Jennifer,

I’m very sorry to hear about your difficulties with your husband. Although I’ve never experienced what you’re going through, on a lesser level I know how painful it can be to feel misunderstood and disrespected by someone close to me. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you’re able to find some peace eventually in this situation.

]]> By: Jennifer http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-998 Jennifer Fri, 05 Sep 2008 02:54:57 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-998 <p>I'm an introverted female married to an extrovert and I'm miserable. My husband has slowly beaten me down to the point I feel numb. I find him repetative and I can no longer explain to him why I do the things I do. We've been together for 13 years and married for 9 years and I see no real end to this problem. When he noticed that I didn't care anymore, he decided to try to let me be who I am but it's too late. It took him about 11 years to come around and there's a lot of hearache and anguish to deal with.</p> <p>I find myself ignoring him, not caring about anything he does. The sad thing is I gave him what I had to offer. Being an introvert, I thought what I had to offer was something special but he proved me wrong time and time again.</p> I’m an introverted female married to an extrovert and I’m miserable. My husband has slowly beaten me down to the point I feel numb. I find him repetative and I can no longer explain to him why I do the things I do. We’ve been together for 13 years and married for 9 years and I see no real end to this problem. When he noticed that I didn’t care anymore, he decided to try to let me be who I am but it’s too late. It took him about 11 years to come around and there’s a lot of hearache and anguish to deal with.

I find myself ignoring him, not caring about anything he does. The sad thing is I gave him what I had to offer. Being an introvert, I thought what I had to offer was something special but he proved me wrong time and time again.

]]> By: smokey http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-937 smokey Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:34:44 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-937 <p>consciously living, i don't agree at all that introversion creates a barrier to intimacy. i think it may be true for you but not all. i'm an introverted woman and i have found very deep and satisfying intimacy...in takes more than words to develop it. i've developed intimacy with both introverts and extroverts. but, i also see your point about using the secondary skill. in my career i have had to develop more extroversion. but it is a facade and an act, no matter how necessary.</p> consciously living, i don’t agree at all that introversion creates a barrier to intimacy. i think it may be true for you but not all. i’m an introverted woman and i have found very deep and satisfying intimacy…in takes more than words to develop it. i’ve developed intimacy with both introverts and extroverts. but, i also see your point about using the secondary skill. in my career i have had to develop more extroversion. but it is a facade and an act, no matter how necessary.

]]> By: Martina http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/comment-page-1/#comment-837 Martina Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:35:48 +0000 http://spectatrix.com/2007/04/30/converting-the-introverted/#comment-837 <p>It is helpful. These are some great points. I was definitely socialized to attach great importance to being liked. My mother (who is a social butterfly) was always worried about my being so reserved. She was so worried in fact that she called people for me so they would hang out with me. Needless to say this ruined about every shred of social ease and confidence that I possessed (cause I do possess it when I'm comfortable).</p> <p>I need to figure out what my needs really are, and not what they "should" be, and that it's ok to take time do so. I've been treating my social life like a job. I set "projects" and "deadlines". Not good.</p> <p>One good thing about being introverted is that I don't mind growing older. I feel more comfortable in my own skin now than when I was a teenager or in my early twenties. I feel less of a stir to "stay young", I've always been "old". I finally feel "permitted" to contemplate and take it slow:)</p> It is helpful. These are some great points. I was definitely socialized to attach great importance to being liked. My mother (who is a social butterfly) was always worried about my being so reserved. She was so worried in fact that she called people for me so they would hang out with me. Needless to say this ruined about every shred of social ease and confidence that I possessed (cause I do possess it when I’m comfortable).

I need to figure out what my needs really are, and not what they “should” be, and that it’s ok to take time do so. I’ve been treating my social life like a job. I set “projects” and “deadlines”. Not good.

One good thing about being introverted is that I don’t mind growing older. I feel more comfortable in my own skin now than when I was a teenager or in my early twenties. I feel less of a stir to “stay young”, I’ve always been “old”. I finally feel “permitted” to contemplate and take it slow:)

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